Velociraptor versus [12/01/2009]     Here at the Jam's blog institute, we only post the most awesome things. So today, I'd like to educate everyone on the most awesome creature that ever existed on earth, the Velociraptor.     Now before you all start f**cking off to wikipedia for some 'facts', here's some facts for you. Wikipedia are a bunch of communists, puppy killers and they just tell you what you want to hear.    Here is the truth:        Fact 1. Velociraptors are awesome. They are the most effecient and technologically advanced animals that ever lived on our planet. In fact, they were so awesome that the universe got scared, and sent a meteor to destroy the earth. Luckly, they failed to destroy the earth, and Velociraptors wait inside the core, biding their time.    If velociraptors existed today, they would have killed everything and become the dominant species on the earth:        Of course, unlike humans, they wouldn't puss out, and they would instead destroy ever other creature on the planet because they looked at them funny.    Here's my artists impression of how these battles would go:    Velociraptor vs Duck        No contest. The duck had no chance, and in fact as soon as it learned of the Velociraptors existance, offered itself as a sacrifice. The velociraptor accepted, and here it is slowly crushing it with its jaws.    Velociraptor vs Human        Again, no contest. The human's first instinct is so sheild itself with it's pathetic defences, ie. nothing. The velociraptor cups the humans puny face in its awesome claws, while slashing out the pitiful humans organs with it's giant knife foot. Awesome.    Velociraptor vs Dolphin        Land or sea, there is no protection from the destructive force that is the Velociraptor. The dolphin is quickly slaughtered unawares.    Velociraptor vs F15 fighter jet        The fighter jet holds no superiourity against the Velociraptors flight capabilities and laser vision. Its ordinance is rendered useless as the velociraptor plucks it out of the sky like a useless fly.    Velociraptor vs Velociraptor        Like an episode of Dragon Ball Z, this fight is epic. So epic in fact, that Velociraptors would rather not fight, so knowing are they of the destruction they would cause to the planet. Never the less, conflicts have been known to happen, and the results are devastating.        So in conclusion to my thesis, Velociraptors are the best thing ever, and if I had 1 wish, it would be to become a velociraptor.    the end.   Go back to main page...     All content on this site is copyright of me, 2006 to whenever. If you like this, email me, or head on down to www.thevulpine.com.au to listen to my band!